N e l l i e T i n d e r
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Nellie
From The Penitent Hours
Look at me I'm a girl, you know a woman, with chances?
Prospects you know, I've got the capability of absorption, I've got emotional accuity, I know fear's the greatest enemy.
I'm dedicated to the discernment of the dissemination of my ability.
My efforts are slow, but I think they persist.
Someday, I'll have so much to do this'll all seem like a distant memory.
And then I won't and then I will.
That's how life works.
But I can't shake the conviction that life has no meaning.
That MY life has no meaning, no purpose, nothing.
My existence feels like a waking dream, nothing counts, nothing matters.
Like that story, you remember, "Clean Well Lighted Place?"
"Nada is nada is nada is -"
It's not all bad, listen, sometimes it feels great, like what does it matter?
Why not move or call or send out a letter?
Or ask for somthing you don't normally ask for.
Just pretend you're in a dream and you're watching yourself do all the things you can't do when you think everything you do is important and contrubutes toa lifelong cumulative thesis.
But sometimes ... sometimes?
Sometimes it's like, it's like I'm hardening my heart.
Sometimes it's like I just don't care.
